You’ve probably wanted to buy something on Amazon, but you see the product’s reviews, framing it as nothing more than useless. Perhaps you’ve foolishly bought one of these items and found that out the hard way. Perhaps you entertain yourself by reading such reviews. If the last sentence piqued your interest, you’ll be in for a catch!

The Complaint tablet to Ea-nāṣir (pronounced AY-uh NAH-sir) is a piece of clay with a negative review written on it from around 1750 BCE. It is around 4.56 inches tall and 1.93 wide and documents a customer complaint in cuneiform where a customer named Nanni says that Ea-nāṣir (see above), a trader, sold them (hope you’re sitting down) adequate copper. I know, unbelievable, right?

The translation is as follows:

“Tell Ea-nasir: Nanni sends the following message: 
When you came, you said to me as follows : “I will give Gimil-Sin (when he comes) fine quality copper ingots.” You left then but you did not do what you promised me. You put ingots which were not good before my messenger (Sit-Sin) and said: “If you want to take them, take them; if you do not want to take them, go away!” 
What do you take me for, that you treat somebody like me with such contempt? I have sent as messengers gentlemen like ourselves to collect the bag with my money (deposited with you) but you have treated me with contempt by sending them back to me empty-handed several times, and that through enemy territory. Is there anyone among the merchants who trade with Telmun who has treated me in this way? You alone treat my messenger with contempt! On account of that one (trifling) mina of silver which I owe(?) you, you feel free to speak in such a way, while I have given to the palace on your behalf 1,080 pounds of copper, and umi-abum has likewise given 1,080 pounds of copper, apart from what we both have had written on a sealed tablet to be kept in the temple of Samas. How have you treated me for that copper? You have withheld my money bag from me in enemy territory; it is now up to you to restore (my money) to me in full. Take cognizance that (from now on) I will not accept here any copper from you that is not of fine quality. I shall (from now on) select and take the ingots individually in my own yard, and I shall exercise against you my right of rejection because you have treated me with contempt.”

Pretty interesting stuff!

In case you don’t want to read that wall of text, here’s a sum-up: Ea-nāṣir says they would give Gmili-Sin top-notch copper ingots, but this failed to happen. Sit-Sin was then greeted with less-than-preferred ingots. Other complaints include rudeness with a servant. As you could tell, this became viral because it sounds like a human from modern times wrote it.

Thus summarizes the complaint tablet. It shows how strange things from as far back as 1750 BCE can be. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll send a pigeon message to Target because THEY sold me felt, which was slightly less soft than other brands! It’s MADNESS, I tells ya! MADNESS!!!